| Season 3, Episode 9 (35th overall) | |
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| Air date | January 29, 1999 |
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| Written by | Randolph Heard |
| Directed by | Mark Marek |
| Previous | Great for Paper Training! |
| Next | You May Already Be a...KaBlammer! |
| Previous | It's All In The Wrist! |
| Next | You May Already Be a...KaBlammer! |
"You'll Love Our Selection!" (S3E9 on Paramount+) is the ninth episode of the third season, and 35th overall, of KaBlam!.
Synopsis[]
Henry and June have a new piece of technology that will gain instant feedback from fans of the show, but realize their Sasquatch sidekick, Mr. Foot, is unintentionally hogging the spotlight.
In Action League Now!, the Mayor is not being allowed into the National Football League as a quarterback, being told that there are already too many! So he begins to get rid of the NFL's most valuable quarterbacks, one by one, as the Action League is assigned to protect them, much to the misfortune of the players. Will the entire QB section be destroyed just so the Mayor can get in the game?
During Prometheus and Bob, Prometheus teaches Bob how to survive in the arctic, only for Bob to start a snowball fight with him, Monkey and a polar bear!
In Life with Loopy, Larry and Loopy get swallowed by a whale and find Charlie Chicken and Turkey Thompson, the stars of their favorite show.
Race Rabbit returns with another thrilling installment! Race has to deliver food to a father before his baby's 1:00 p.m. feeding, but has to deal with a suspicious moose on the road; The Boolies in disguise.
Segments[]
Henry and June Act 1
Action League Now!
Henry and June Act 2
Prometheus and Bob
Action League Now!
Henry and June Act 3
Life with Loopy
Henry and June Act 4
Race Rabbit
Henry and June Act 5
Henry and June Act 1 | |
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Henry and June welcome the "cartoon connoisseurs" and introduce a miracle of technology, the KaBlam! Instant Response Meter. Henry explains that it shows him and June what those at home like and don't like about KaBlam!, instantly, and she says it's just another way they can better serve you, the "ka-viewer." Turning the meter on, June gets a popularity rating of 6. Henry gets a 6 as well, but when he and June are together, they get a 7. Henry is impressed, and bets Sabrina the Teenage Witch wouldn't even get that! As Mr. Foot walks out of the bathroom and on set, the meter jumps to a 10! He looks at it, shrugs, and walks off set, as the meter drops back to a 7 again. While June and Henry will do their best to fix the "obviously-broken" meter, the viewers should do their best to watch Action League Now!. |
Action League Now! | |
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Roughing the Passer National Football League players practice for the upcoming Pro Bowl at Sidepocket Stadium, while coach Bill Cowher fields a request from a "questionable" quarterback. This just so happens to be the Mayor, who is begging Cowher to let him play. Cowher asks why the Mayor would want to play pro football, and he thinks for fame, while showing off his own touchdown dance. Cowher refuses, because he's got all of the top quarterbacks — but the problem is there's too many of them, in fact — wondering why he would need the Mayor. The Mayor does agree that having all those top quarterbacks is a problem, so he decides to eliminate them one by one, starting with Troy Aikman, whom he trips. This causes Aikman to fall through a window and into the road, where a car runs him over. The Mayor is delighted as that's what he calls a good "ground game!" At Action Headquarters, the Chief explains that some nutjob is gunning for the NFL's top quarterbacks, so the Action League needs to keep them out of danger. Meltman promises the Chief that they'll be the best "D" those QBs have ever seen! And so, the League "kicks off" a campaign to protect the top stars, where in the gym, the Flesh decides to be Brett Favre's bodyguard, promising him never to let him out of his sight. Favre wishes the Flesh would, because he's as naked as a jaybird. Favre then tells the Flesh to put a towel on, and as he goes to find one, Favre gets some crunches in. The Mayor says crunches are a great idea, smashing Favre with a barbell from above! Thundergirl and Stinky Diver are at a studio, where Kordell Stewart is filmed for a commercial about the Heavy Hitter hammer. The director calls for cut and to try it again, as Thundergirl makes a suggestion on how the commercial should be, but Stinky reminds her that she's supposed to be a bodyguard. While they argue and aren't looking, the Mayor smashes Kordell with the Heavy Hitter, as Thundergirl asks for makeup! Meltman is in the kitchen, telling John Elway about playing flag football in his youth. An exasperated Elway asks Meltman if they can talk later, as he needs to get in a whirlpool from feeling a little stiff. Meltman says it's no problem, as pros have to stay in peak physical condition. While Elway is inside the blender which is set to LOW, the Mayor sets it to HIGH. Meltman encourages Elway to work through the pain, as there is nothing like a whirlpool to loosen one up. Elway is then split into pieces and Meltman thinks that's a little too loose. Meanwhile, Cowher tells the Mayor on the phone to quit bugging him and what part about him not playing he doesn't understand! As the big day for the Pro Bowl arrives, the League arrives at a standing-room only Sidepocket Stadium. The Chief is glad to see them, as he was worried that Elway, Favre and Stewart weren't going to make it! Stinky thinks the Chief worries too much and Thundergirl says they did make it; but are all in pieces, as Bill the Lab Guy is trying to put them back together. However, high above the stadium, the Mayor being the sore loser he is, tries to saw off the chains from the lampshade, declaring that if he can't play, no one can! |
Henry and June Act 2 | |
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Henry says KaBlam! is dedicated to giving the viewers what they want, as June thinks it's especially when the network tells them to. So without further ado, they introduce the feature A Day in the Life of Mr. Foot. In the morning at Mr. Foot's house, one wonders where a two-ton Sasquatch sleeps? Anywhere he wants! Before heading off to work, Mr. Foot indulges in his passion for the rock and roll on his drum set. Then, it's another busy, busy day on the set of basic cable's hottest show. Before he knows it, the day is done, as it's time to punch out (knocking out Henry near the time clock) and head home. Back on the couch and asleep, one will never know what tomorrow may bring for one of comedy's brightest young stars. The KaBlam! Instant Response Meter jumps up to 10, as a flabbergasted Henry asks the viewers if they're yanking his cartoon chain and if they actually liked that. Suddenly, the meter explodes. June hopes they like Prometheus and Bob just as much, turning the page to it. |
Prometheus and Bob | |
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Tape #332, Arctic Prometheus puts a block of ice into an igloo, and then tells Bob to crawl into it. However, he gets distracted by Monkey licking icicles hanging from Prometheus's saucer and then tries to lick it, but his tongue gets stuck. As Bob tries to free himself, he pulls off one of the legs holding the saucer. Next, Bob's tongue is still stuck to the saucer, until Prometheus pours hot water onto it to free it. Prometheus tells Bob to pick up the fallen leg for his saucer, until Bob licks it and gets his tongue caught on it. Prometheus does not have any more hot water, so he goes into the igloo for more, as Monkey hands him an empty cup. Prometheus chases Monkey out of the igloo, but gets a snowball to the head as his hat comes off. Then, Prometheus gets another snowball to the head. Bob tries to cheer him up, but he is in no mood, as he goes back into the igloo, as Monkey (wearing Prometheus's hat) tosses a snowball in behind him. Suddenly, Bob and Monkey hear a growl, until Bob throws a snowball at the approaching creature, which just so happens to be a polar bear! Monkey screeches and goes into the igloo, as the polar bear attacks him and Prometheus. Finally, Prometheus and Bob are ready to trap the polar bear in a cage when it comes out of the igloo. Monkey opens up the curtain of the igloo in an attempt to fake out the polar bear, but as it comes out of the igloo, Bob forgets to lower his part of the cage and it gets loose. Monkey lures the polar bear into Prometheus's saucer, before it goes airborne and destroys the camera. In an extra recording, Bob has Prometheus's remote control stuck to his tongue, before throwing a snowball at the camera to destroy it yet again. |
Action League Now! | |
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Roughing the Passer The Mayor continues to saw the chains for the lampshade above Sidepocket Stadium, while the Flesh leads the opening coin toss for the Pro Bowl, asking the teams for heads or tails. One of the teams picks heads, so the Flesh tosses the coin into the air, where it lands on the Mayor and knocks him down from the lampshade. Stinky Diver learns that the Mayor was above them, trying to sabotage the game! The Mayor isn't hurt from the fall, but he is when the saw lands on him, slicing off his head. Kordell Stewart mistakes it for a loose ball, so the Mayor is happy that he finally gets to play, as the football players pile on top of him. As the rest of the League takes the Mayor away, Brett Favre thinks the Flesh's coin toss saved the Pro Bowl and the Mayor was as nasty "as an alligator paying alimony." Stewart thinks the Flesh is a pretty big guy, wondering if he's ever thought about throwing a pigskin. The Flesh attempts a throw, but hits the lampshade and it crashes on top of them, as Stewart regrets that he asked. |
Henry and June Act 3 | |
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It's Mr. Foot's KaBlam! starring Mr. Foot as the hairy, man-like creature occasionally sighted in the forests of the western U.S. and Canada is introduced in front of a live studio audience! Going to his drum set, he performs a solo as the Instant Response Meter jumps up to a 12! Meanwhile, Henry is playing cards with June, but they are bitter. As the meter falls to 0, he asks the viewers what they're looking at, and she recommends they look at Life with Loopy instead... |
Life with Loopy | |
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"Whale of a Time" Larry says sometimes, things just don't work out the way one plans them. Using his own family vacation to AquaWorld Marine Park as an example, it was going to be perfect. AquaWorld has something for the entire family; educational marine displays for Mom, all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet for Dad, and miles of sandy beaches, Loopy thinking that's perfect for finding buried treasure. For Larry, the main attraction was AquaWorld hosting the Charlie Chicken Live Summer Spectacular...until it gets canceled. Now bummed, Larry thinks his vacation is a disaster. Loopy tells him to snap out of it, and they've got buried treasure to find! Suddenly, she picks up a signal the size of a supertanker, and it's coming from an adjacent island. Larry sarcastically says he's hyperventilating with excitement, as they paddle out to investigate. Larry finds out that it's not an island, but rather a whale, as they then get swallowed by it. Inside the whale, Larry says the vacation just keeps getting better by the second. Loopy tells him to clam up, as she hears something. Larry does too, as it so happens to be his heroes Charlie Chicken and Turkey Thompson! Wondering how they got there, Turkey explains the whale ate them, as Charlie adds that they were rehearsing for their big show at AquaWorld when the whale swam up out of the ocean and gobbled them up. Not to worry, Larry says, as he and Loopy will figure a way out and still make it back to AquaWorld in time for their show. Turkey and Charlie beg to differ, as they're finished with show business and have got what everything they need in the whale; gold, diamonds and widescreen TVs! Larry asks them about their fans, but Turkey thinks who needs fans when you're rich? Larry is shocked at his heroes' lifestyle change, but Loopy knows how to get them out of the whale and get Turkey and Charlie's show back on the road. She asks them if they know any good whale jokes, but Turkey says they don't do jokes anymore. Loopy thinks they've lost their touch, as Charlie takes offense, since he and Turkey know more whale jokes than she's had hot dinners! Loopy tells them to prove it, as Turkey leads off; asking why the whale didn't cross the road, and Charlie responds that he didn't have any "porpoise" to it. Larry laughs, but the whale sighs. Turkey tells another joke; why are whales such crybabies? Charlie answers they won't stop "blubbering!" Larry and Loopy laugh, as the whale groans. Charlie asks why is it so easy to fool a whale, and Turkey thinks they'll swallow anything. Turkey, Charlie, Larry and Loopy all laugh, as the whale thinks the jokes are giving him indigestion, sending them all out and back onto shore. Larry concludes it wasn't exactly the vacation he had planned, but he thinks in the end it worked out just fine, as Charlie and Turkey are able to host their show at AquaWorld after all. Charlie says if there's anything more valuable than a whale full of treasure, it's the sound of happy children's laughter. Turkey couldn't agree more, and pies Charlie in the face, as Larry and Loopy applaud and laugh! |
Henry and June Act 4 | |
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Henry welcomes everyone back to KaBlam!, starring Mr. Foot, as the Instant Response Meter begins to rise. June says due to their Sasquatch assistant's overwhelming popularity, he is now busy making his first major motion picture, and the meter continues to move upward. Henry has great news, though, while Mr. Foot is away, he and June will be here to entertain the viewers, but the meter drops back to 0. In an attempt to keep everyone happy, June cues up a clip from Mr. Foot's new movie, From Sasquatch with Love. After it finishes, Henry jokes that Mr. Foot is really quite a "card," as the meter falls to 0 and shuts off. June thinks that the meter is telling her to go to the next cartoon, Race Rabbit. |
Race Rabbit | |
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Moose On The Road Gabby McShouts-Alot welcomes everyone to the rally, where Race is in front by a whisker. M.A.X. reminds Race not to brake for anything; no extra tires, no fuel, and not even a woman who is stranded on the side of the road waving a baby food jar! However, Race reminds M.A.X. that he brakes for everything. The woman hands off a jar of beans and toast to Race and says he must get it to her husband before a 1:00 p.m. feeding for their son, Leslie. Race says not to worry, as he's on it like "vinegar on chips." M.A.X. tells Race they can still win the rally if they feed the baby on time, and if he doesn't brake for anything in the road! Race tells M.A.X. to relax, as what could possibly be in the road? Suddenly, The Boolies are spying on him as they have dressed up as a moose and are holding a giant net! They lay down, as Race gets an alert about a moose on the road. M.A.X. tells him not to stop for the moose, as Race begs to differ, using his X-ray gadget to figure out it's The Boolies. Race thinks M.A.X. is right, and he should learn to use more discretion, driving around them. Zit wonders where Race is, until he sees an oncoming vehicle that brakes for nothing, hitting him. Winston chases after the vehicle, as Zit, who is clinging to it, reminds everyone to keep it safe and never play in the streets. At 12:58 p.m., M.A.X. asks Race about the plan. Race will use the baby food warmer, and imagines cold beans on toast would make Leslie cranky. M.A.X. thinks Race is just spoiling Leslie, and wonders just how cranky he could get, as his father is trying to get him to eat something else in the meantime. However, Leslie isn't in the mood. At 12:59 p.m., the father is getting anxious before fainting. Race approaches an intersection with a red light, until he tells M.A.X. their luck and the light are about to change, changing the traffic light to green. Right at 1:00 p.m., Race arrives to the house and feeds Leslie and awakens the father, who expresses his blessings! Back at the rally, Gabby McShouts-Alot says it will be quite the finish, as it's anyone's race. M.A.X. reiterates a previous point by telling Race not to brake for anything, while he overtakes the competition at the finish line for the win! |
Henry and June Act 5 | |
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June thinks that about wraps it up for this KaBlam! starring Mr. Foot. Henry says the Instant Response Meter has told him and June the viewers want to see more of Mr. Foot, and they hear their call! June is just glad that the "big fella" has found a place for her and Henry in his heart, and on his show. Henry and June are pinned to the wall by Mr. Foot with a card trick, and he takes off his blindfold, bowing for the cheering audience. Henry and June then close the comic book. |
Characters[]
Henry and June[]
- Henry
- June
- Mr. Foot
- KaBlam! office workers
- Mr. Foot's KaBlam! studio audience
- Mr. Foot's KaBlam! crew
- From Sasquatch with Love cast members
Action League Now![]
- The Flesh
- Thundergirl
- Stinky Diver
- Meltman
- The Chief
- The Mayor
- Bill the Lab Guy
- Troy Aikman
- Brett Favre
- Kordell Stewart
- John Elway
- Heavy Hitter commercial crew
- Pro Bowl spectators
Prometheus and Bob[]
- Prometheus
- Bob
- Monkey
- Polar bear
Life with Loopy[]
- Loopy Cooper
- Larry Cooper
- Mrs. Cooper
- Mr. Cooper
- Charlie Chicken
- Turkey Thompson
- Whale
- Charlie Chicken Live Summer Spectacular audience
Race Rabbit[]
- Race
- M.A.X.
- The Boolies (Zit and Winston)
- Gabby McShouts-Alot
- Woman stranded on the road
- Man at home
- Leslie
- Rally spectators
Trivia[]
- Football players Kordell Stewart, Brett Favre, John Elway, and former coach/player Bill Cowher all voiced their titular characters on the Action League Now! episode.
- From Sasquatch with Love is a titular parody of the James Bond novel/movie From Russia with Love.